These are going up here before they'll be updated on the site. This isn't ideal, but the main website will be relaunched over the next few months once our already slave-driven Creative Director/web designer/deformed ghoulish side-kick Michael Dark finishes the Polluto and Troglodyte Rose websites.

We are now CLOSED to submissions for 2009. We are considering projects for 2010 onwards, but please just email a query first of all. Here's what we want:

-a cover letter, explaining who you are and what your publishing credits, if any, are;
-a 25-word (max.) summary of your narrative, which should indicate your main character, their main conflict, and the resolution (for example: Snow White is a young girl who must defeat her evil stepmother, find her true love and overcome death to live happily ever after);
-a breakdown of your plot, being as concise and direct as possible;
-your contact details.

You can now contact us BY EMAIL, but only for this query stage. Then we will decide if we want to read more. If we do, we'll either ask you to email it to us or post it, depending on how much clutter we have in the office (READ: my living room) and how strained our eyes are feeling this week (staring at computers to read a novel is a bitch, and we don't have the funds to print it off).

DON'T email us if less than three months have passed. If more than three months have passed, it's probably a good sign. If you don't hear from us by six months, assume we've passed on your ms and couldn't come up with a nice enough excuse to tell you it wasn't right for us. We usually confirm receipt of emailed queries and emailed mss within a week. For postal receipt confirmation, send a stamped, self-addressed postcard (or email address).

DON'T send any attachments without permission. Query only.

DO read these guidelines. If you've at least read the ones on the website, we'll forgive you, although it does suggest you've maybe not researched your markets as well as you should have.

DON'T send us typical genre stuff. We want books that break the rules and make some new ones. We want cross-genre, slipstream, bizarro, postmodern, surreal, illustrated, experimental, punky, spunky, collaged madness. No vampires, zombies, emotional drivel or realism, or we'll get our nailgun out and stick a hole in your forehead. There are always exceptions, but we've yet to encounter any.

DO study us and our publications before you submit. Really think about this. Can you see yourself working with us? Do you like our other authors? How do you think our covers match your own sensibilities? Be absolutely positive we're right for you. This is a big deal. Don't just get excited about the prospect of being published. Get excited about the prospect of being published by the right people.

Now, get writing, get workshopping, and then get submitting!